Today morning, during our normal chit chat, Mr Husband asked me if I can write on a random topic given by him? I took it as a challenge that, why not? And when he disclosed me the topic, I was more than happy to write on it because everything was very clear in my head about that. So the much awaited topic of concern was “Now that I am 30” . So here are my thoughts on entering a new decade of my wonderful life.
My 30th birthday
I am always very excited for my birthdays.But this time with my birthday just gone, a sudden realization hit me that I have entered a new milestone of my life. I just entered my 30s. I finished my glorious 20s , a whole decade of being immature and learner. I have just bid adieu to myself which was a younger version of me. A sudden gush of memories is making me nostalgic. Because this was the decade which gave me the courage and excuse to make mistakes. It added important events to my life. Like finishing my college, doing my first job, marriage, setting up my home and birth of my daughter. It gave me lot many reasons to be happy and sad. In this decade,where I met lovely people, made awesome friends, welcomed my new family, I also parted with some wonderful souls in my life. They created such voids in my life, that no one can fill. Mind it that parting was not only physical but mental as well.
In life we surround ourselves with those that matter to us the most, and it often seems like these people have an opinion on what we do and how we do it, leading us to falsely believe that we owe them certain behaviors and justifications. I have fought with myself several times over occurrence of certain events and my reactions towards them. In fact, I sometimes feel hurt and frustrated when after doing so much for people and relations, I don’t get the desired respect and love. But with experience and events I learnt that in truth, there are certain things that I don’t owe anyone. So for my this birthday, cheers to the new beginning.
These highlights are purely my analysis of events and their results. They are purely my thoughts and they may not be justified by others. Everyone have a different life and have different experiences. Based on mine I have concluded these points of not owing what to others. I am also open to new experiences and may be 10 years down the line, I will be writing down another list of things we don’t owe to others and they are a complete contrast to what I am stating here. So for now, just read these statements and enjoy. Try to incorporate those, you think are beneficial for you and leave those, which you think are not justified. Every one have an opinion and this is mine.
Things I don’t owe to anyone
So let’s begin with the things which according to me we don’t owe to anyone.
- We don’t owe apologies if they are not genuine. An apology given when we are not ready to move on will only temporarily heal the wounds – anger towards someone will usually resurface and will usually cause greater harm in the long term. Apologies should be given when the issue has been resolved in our own minds.
- We don’t owe somebody a romantic relationship or friendship. It took me time to realize that these cannot be simply based around the ideas of familiarity and the fact that you may have known each other for a long time. People change, their priorities and outlook on life change and, as sad as it may seem, time spent with somebody ,who isn’t the person that you used to know, is time that is wasted.
- We don’t owe somebody our time just because they have requested it. This sounds incredibly harsh, and obviously doesn’t apply to the workplace (you will be looked down or may be fired for that) but in your personal life you don’t have to see or spend time with somebody if you don’t wish to. You don’t have to accept a date just because you have been asked. Similarly, if you have been on a date and have decided that you don’t wish to see the person again, you have every right to politely and gently let them down without feeling guilty and worrying about repercussions. If the person reacts in an hostile manner, you clearly made the right choice in the first place.
- On a darker note, we don’t owe anyone a physical relationship. There are no circumstances that can justify becoming involved physically with somebody if you don’t want to. They may be the nicest, sweetest person in the world and they may have helped you, consoled you, guided you and listened to you, but the answer is always the same. You don’t owe anyone a physical relationship at any time, for any reason.
- We don’t owe anyone a new experience. My friends and I know each others likes and dislikes, and we don’t get offended when one of us responds with ‘it’s not really my thing, but thanks anyway!’ Of course, this doesn’t apply if a friend asks you to support them in something that they are doing personally but you don’t have to attend events that your friends are ‘trying out’ if you know that it is something you aren’t going to be interested in.
- We don’t owe anyone ‘just one more…’ or ‘just try this…’ or ‘yes.’ This can be in every aspect of life and covers both big or small issues – that one more anything shouldn’t have to be forced upon you and you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do, especially if you know that you’ve had enough.
- We don’t owe anyone the perfectly groomed version of ourselves. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and the only opinion on the way that we look that should matter is our own. We shouldn’t have to dress in a certain way, wear the popular labels, be a certain size and present ourselves for the benefit of our friends and partners. Several of my friends are flawless and immaculate at all times. We have never explained ourselves for this, it is just accepted without question.(In my growing years I was a very quiet girl. My relatives and known people had this version of me in their head. But with my friends and experiences, I opened up and now its difficult to make me stop talking. Once a person commented that ‘we thought you were very sober’. I felt bad but then I was like who cares. If they think that being sober is equivalent to being quiet, then their is some serious problem with their vocabulary and grammar, not with me. Thankfully, my husband is as talkative as me and we don’t need a third person to have a conversation).
- We don’t owe anyone our life story or our secrets. If you don’t want to talk about something personal, you don’t have to, even if anyone has asked. And, to be fair, a genuine person would not push you to if you weren’t comfortable.
- We don’t owe anyone explanation for our deeds. We have one life and we all should live it the way we want to, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. I feel that we should not spend it fulfilling the expectations of others. And if we are doing what we really want, we don’t owe explanations to anybody. Persons close to you will understand and support you in whatever you do.
When it comes to life and relationships it is always important to be kind, supportive and genuine. Help others, be there for others, but do so because you want to, not because you feel that you owe them something. And when life requires an explanation, one that should be offered a little more is simply this, offered by the late, great Maya Angelou:
‘You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove’