She entered the metro with one hand full of white packets and a phone to her ears in the another. She was racing against time, chaos and inner turmoil. She can’t let her demons win, she was determined. A silent prayer in her heart every time she breathes. She looked around and saw all the seats in the metro occupied with ladies from all sizes to all utterances. She wanted to read each and every person’s expressions to compare theirs with hers. “May be some of them are dealing with similar situation as mine”, she thought in order to search for solace and support from any one of them. But she has to first find a spot to keep her stuff somewhere and empty her hand to hold the overhead support otherwise she was sure of falling, in every sense and meaning.
She saw a space empty, just beside the door, to stand. She safely put down her packets, leaned against the tall glass support and joined her hands in prayers. She saw, with the corner of her eyes, several ladies taking a note of her gestures with curious eyes but she chose to ignore. She was in deep crisis, she knew that. But her mind was still racing with time, preventing her from concentrating. The beeps of ventilators, terrifying silence of the ICU, smells of medicines and blank faces of the patients were not letting her keep her sanity. She desperately wanted to be out from this situation but not on the cost of a heart wrenching loss. She kept her eyes closed in hope of some peace and silence, but in vain.
She opened her eyes and started observing the people around in order to take her mind off her inner commotion. But every happy face was making her compare the hardships she was facing since few years. She has stopped counting the number of hospital visits and huge payments now. She seldom asks the lord,”Why me? Not again please. I am not made for all this.” She never got an answer as noone has ever got one. She saw the babies in the cabin and her lips couldn’t stop the smile. She felt light. She knew that innocence reaches the heart and soothes your overactive nerves. She wished to be a baby again, just to know the sense of calm, without any worries.
Several times she wished to just sit and relax in the air conditioned luxuries her life has deprived her of. Daily commuting from metro was the only time of the day when she know what it feels like to have all the splendor in life. A sense of envy rose in her chest for the lucky nepotistic lot of the country but she soon buried it in the same place from where it started to whirl. Not at this hour, when everyone is waiting for me to get the overpriced requisite medicines quickly to save the life.
“Please be fast”, she silently told the driver of the metro, in spite of knowing that he is not listening. The major chunk of their savings and income had already been utilised in the hospitals and medicines. But she can’t think of any other way. That’s the prime necessity of her life. Suddenly her phone rang and she knew it was from the hospital. All in a jiffy she closed her eyes and was prepared for the worst now. She felt so tired and irritated of herself for making her life so dependent on a phone call. “Should I pick it up or not?”, she thought, “I am about to reach there in 5 more mins. Whatever be the case, I will not be able to change that now. But what if it’s can’t be given a miss?”, her inner turmoil increased with this conversation with self. “But now at this moment, I am all ready and determined to face the realities of life, whatever may they be. I will not let a phone call alter my determination and peace of the present moment.” With her this rebellious thought to her fate, the metro stops and the doors open to let her step out with her newfound freedom against the time gone past.
Disclaimer: The ideas and thoughts portrayed here are purely the writer’s perspective and for you to read and enjoy. It is not meant to hurt anybody’s sentiments and feelings.