Why to Judge?

Been there and done that and proudly have left it. There is always a phase in a person’s life where you learn the most important lesson of your life in a most simplest manner. It is that time of your life when a small change can bring about the biggest impact in the complete personality. So one such thing that changed me as a person was not to judge anyone or a situation. It was very difficult at first, I will admit. But gradually it became a part of me and then I simply stopped judging everything and anything. Life was much simpler and happy since then. Did I forget to say peaceful?

My question here is why do we feel the need to judge people? We should be so comfortable and happy in our skin that the situation or any other person shouldn’t bother us in any form. This life is too short to form opinions based on your own judgement. We might not know what the situation is or what the person feels. But is it in our DNA? Anything that is going or happening a little different from our set of thoughts and opinions is called for judgments. And then it takes the form of gossip. (Yes that is the obvious next step).

I can pick lots of examples from my daily walk of life where I am the center of judgments for many people. Be it my own people. Seeing me, people can feel that I am little dominant and outspoken. This is a developed skill in me, as in my school days, I was a very shy and quiet child who would cry at a little raised voice as well. So understand the pain and efforts that I invested in becoming the extrovert person I am. Tons of thanks to my set of friends who brought out the courage in me to do this next to impossible task. But then came the judging part where people saw the drastic change in me and took no time to comment that ‘Oh! never thought her to be like that.’

When I was small I went to a person’s house for simple greeting. As I was a small child the sweet lady asked me whether I want to eat chocolate, cake or muffins. Being a shy child that I was and also a little dumb at that time, I couldn’t decide between chocolate and cake (as at that time I was not sure what muffins were). When I was coming back home, one of the people accompanying me sarcastically said that what was the need for her to ask? She could have brought the stuff and placed it in front. I could have taken it from there. That day I learned that when someone visits, we are prepared before hand and never asks. We simply greet and host. But today when I look back, I realize that what exactly was wrong in that scenario? She simply asked my choice and not imposed hers on me. She, out of pure love, didn’t took the formal route. Also, it was her house and her way of living. We were the guests and she was in her zone. Why and who were we to decide how she needs to greet and host her guests? And why were we so judgmental about her?

The worst thing is that when people judge me as a mother for the person I am. But that’s a common scenario these days. Isn’t it? A mother is majorly judged for the way she brings up her child. Good or bad things, all are questionable by certain strata of society. When did we get ourselves into a situation where this is what gives us so much satisfaction and happiness? How I stay at my parents house has become the judging parameters of the way I stay at my place and bringing up my little one. Yes, that’s true and surprising. The person simply formed an opinion about me without exactly putting herself/himself into my shoes. I admit that I am a first time mother and might be, I am not near to perfection in any way. But then I am learning and I do that effort everyday to be happy and make my little family happy. And that is what is important. The lesson that I learnt here was that no matter how hard you try to prove yourself, people will think or form an opinion about you according to their understanding and thought process. The best thing that you can do is ‘brace yourself, pull your chin up and walk ahead’. People will speak and they will hurt you big time but then they have simply taken the pleasure in doing that. What you can do is to feel bad or may be shed a tear and then move on. (Its difficult yet simple to do). Also, don’t repeat that mistake and don’t form judgments for others as well.

So all the new and not so new mothers, working and stay at home mothers, strict and lenient mothers, don’t feel bad if someone judges you for what you are. Be comfortable in your skin as no one can better judge your situation or feelings apart from you. People have a certain way of thinking according to their life scenarios and experiences. It should never be the deciding factor as to how you will live your life or bring up your children. Children adapts to the situations you put them in. It is just us who we have to make adjustments with. So have a life and judgments about yourselves and situations but not others. It will make yours as well as others life better as well.

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